Preludes, Sessions, and Diversions

Preludes, Sessions, and Diversions

These are the names of the bars on my ship and they all sound like you are supposed to forget about them…very weak titles, but oddly endearing. Things go up and down here, like the ocean, and lately I’ve been a bit lonely. The holidays never existed as far as I’m concerned, and now we’re in a strange schedule, retrieving from these different islands across the Caribbean. The Greater Anitlles and the Lesser. The Windward Islands and the Leeward. To me, they all sound lost.

Tonight was open deck night and I didn’t really feel like drinking so I watched a movie with some friends instead…Wall-E. It was pretty enjoyable, as I always get a good kick out of some classic Science Fiction. Afterwards though, I decided to hea dup to the open deck for some fresh air and to see what was about. I’m glad I did. There was a full moon tonight, centered in the sky directly overhead, but the sky was full of clouds, which were lit brightly by the moon. It was bright and gorgeous. I find myself amazed at how I’m constantly enamored with these night skies out here. This time it made feel nostalgic for home. I have been telling myself I don’t miss the winters, and I really don’t, but the winter sky, lit by the moon and the snow really is something beautiful to miss. Obviously it wasn’t the same here in the sea off of Cuba, but for a moment I was overwhelmed with a feeling of being home again. Some pictures don’t need cameras to be captured for you, I suppose. Before I left, the clouds cleared a bit, leaving a perfect circular corona surrounding the full moon. A brilliant celestial eye staring down at me. I wonder who is watching me and I thank them for their guidance and good fortune.

I become overwhelmed when I stand out, alone looking to the endless ocean, but the sky as well. I find it’s like standing at a barrier between worlds, unreal and beyond spectacle. It crushes my sense of self, making me feel small beyond anything I’ve ever felt, and yet opens me to the freedom of being. I realize, here, when I try to find myself, I’m more lost than ever, like everything else. Is exhilarating to dare standing here into the eternity. Again, I feel more lost than ever, not knowing who I am at all. Its very emotional, touching me to the core, and I tear up a little bit, but before the drops are allowed to form, they are taken by the wind. Even in the dark, there is more light than I could ever imagine, and still, alone, I know not what I seek to understand.

As a teaser for the next adventures, I can say that St Marteen, St. Thomas and St. John were great. Many strange things occurred, and I can’t wait to share them with everyone. Its sort of like setting the teasers for the next episode…I saved a woman from a killer cactus…found love on Honeymoon Beach…had Nurse Joannie comment on how bulging my muscles were getting while performing primary grinding aboard our 12-metere regatta racing yacht…and Jaco and I met some topless ladies on the beach along the French side of the island )we BOTH got our swimsuits full of sand!)…and then the other major story breaks…Lisa left a while ago and I miss her, and the next week Jana was sent home too…two blonds on two weeks is a brave move by the producers, but I suppose they have some sort of plan for us…Lots of good things to come as well…be sure to tune in!

And to close it off…a dream:

I was walking alone along a hilly road in the woods, and I came upon an old, small cemetery. Among the headstones was a sculpture of a bear. As I approached it, it came to life. It was a small, quiet black bear and I took it into my arms where it hugged around my neck, frightened. I carried it with me into the end of my dream in order that I might set it free. I think it was a good dream to have.