It Was Just Echoes Forever

I can’t even begin to pretend that I can cover all that’s what happened to me in the last few weeks in one post. Everything I know has been turned on top of itself. Some things are good, many others are bad. I’m happy, and I’m sad. These are the fates and destinies that govern us all. I’m ok, but more importantly I’m moving forward, trying to be strong as always, and trying to have faith that this is what is and meant to be for an overall positive outcome in the end.

Sometimes I like to think of this experience for me, this “Life at Sea,” as a television show. I can sum up each contract as a season of some bizarre serial. Maybe like 12-18 episodes. In Season 1, Coleman starts off on his fantastic journey. Lost in the dismal working jungle of the Chicago landscape, a young man strives for something new. Whisked away to fabulous Detroit, Michigan, he begins a career with the world’s largest art gallery where he learns about art, sales, and the promise of travel. Training is interrupted by the company’s week long 40 year anniversary gala. Meeting famous artists and successful auctioneers at the Ritz Carlton, along with the president Al, and his foreshadowing of the FAR, an attack against the company and our pirate shenanigans at sea, something that would always permeate the entire show. Training continues and there is a great shocker when Coleman is placed on one of only two Disney ships out there (of all places!) Training in the Disney Parks follows with a free ride to all, along with a surprise friend from way back when (Dan Longman). Moving onto the ship is a totally new world, training for emergencies, learning the layout, and selling 2 Dali’s in his first week! Chris and Amy join the cast as Coleman’s first auctioneers, and they get along well, meeting bizarre guest artists that join for special cruises, and of course discovering new islands in the Caribbean. Certain cast members emerge as stars to join Coleman on his travels, and sadly some leave as well (Jana is fired!). Chris and Amy go on vacation and are replaced by two new characters Mike and Bethany. Hilarity ensues. Upsets a plenty. Love, loss, life, and art. Hurricanes! Castaway Cay! Diamonds! All sorts of good episodes, and all building up to the finale…Chris and Amy come back, a promotion and finally home. Monica is surprised! Vacation is enjoyed.



















Season 2 starts out with a shocker. Coleman isn’t promoted…yet. First he’s going to one of the biggest ships in the world in…Mexico! Rebecca (the sister) joins the cast once a day because the ship is out of LA. Royal Caribbean is a very different place than Disney, and Tim and Lisa join the cast as the auctioneers. Mexico is incredibly beautiful...and haunting. Coleman almost misses the ship! Lots of new friends and lots of things to do on the Mariner of the Seas where every day is a fancy day! Mexico is struck by the Swine Flu and rerouted to San Francisco…Amazing! Finally, Coleman is promoted and must bid ado to Big Eddie and all the rest of the gang on the Mariner as he sets out on a new and distant land of adventure…Alaska! The Rhapsody of the Seas sails forward as the main stage for Season two and a wonderful plethora of characters emerge from the crew. Julie the M & R manager, Roger the art steward, the new cast, and the wonderful girls from crew staff. Enter Tarun, a shady associate from the start. Things go well until Tarun and Roger have a mysterious fight and both are nearly fired. Huge upset, but they stay! Then a wonderful surprise for season 2, Jana (port and shopping from Disney) comes back to the show!!! Adventures to glaciers, helicopter rides, whales, and train adventures ensue. Mom and Dad make an appearance immediately followed by Monica when they come to cruise. The drama lulls until the grand jewel heist…and Tarun is accused, but unable to be proven guilty. Crazy! Finally they leave arctic Alaska, the land of midnight sunshine, and head for Hawaii!!! Beautiful…Tarun is fired!!! Yay!! And then the excitement builds to the finale…Bora Bora…Coleman’s best crusie ever…and finally sign off morning in…Australia!
















Season 3 begins with flashbacks to the vacation in Sydney, the 10 day advanced training in Miami, and Christmas at home with a special visit to the secluded winter retreat in Wisconsin. Coleman is promoted again to a bigger ship, the Celebrity Summit. Things start of well. Susan and Pete join the cast…and the new main stage cast along with some of the musicians produces one of the strongest supporting casts ever, with parties and dancing and Gaga galore. Coleman has his best cruise ever, andddd things take a terrible nose dive. The 6 port day 1 sea day run proves extremely challenging in the mid season cruise slump. Lots of disappointments on board in the world of sales, but Coleman grows stronger as an auctioneer, and lots of fun ensue otherwise. The islands the ship visits are some of the most exotic the show has seen to date, most notably the waterfalls of Dominica and the beaches of Antigua. Adventures galore. Then a new character is added to the pot, Shawn, who does in deed help turn some numbers around (not single handedly), but proves to be a mixed bag emotionally. Cruises get stronger… and the buildup to the mid-season hiatus finale begins

So, recap. How things left off:

Shawn was going to quit, Susan wanted to quit, and Pete was heading for vaca. Susan did not quit, I was able to keep her only because I made Shawn let the company know that he was going to resign. They were going to move Susan, and then Shawn would have quit anyway, and I would have been up shit’s creek. So, he put in a notice, and I prepared for our next episode, “The Transition Cruise.” How things have transitioned, my friends…and oh how the winds have changed.













The 8 day transition cruise out of the Caribbean took us one last time to St. Thomas and St. Maarten with a stop in Tortola (a new island for me), a sea day in the middle of the cruise (CRAZY) then an overnight in Bermuda, followed by a last sea day and finally New York. Very exciting stuff. Combine that with the fact that I’m coming off of my best cruise ever (and the fact that this transition cruise would end as my second best cruise on record), and you’ve got some extra exciting stuff. Then throw in the fact that Lauren and Haeley are coming to visit (FACES FROM HOME!!!) and you’ve got a very special episode of the “Life at Sea.”
















And it was a good episode too. I took Lauren and Haeley on a tour on the Summit before we headed to Castille San Castobar in Puerto Rico, a very old fortress. We found a huge piece of human feces in one of my favorite parks overlooking the bay, and then finally set sail from San Juan for the very last time. In St Thomas we headed to Maegen’s Bay, voted one of the best beaches in the world (whateves), and ended the day with a stop at the dairy farm named “Udder Delite.” I bought short shorts. We signed up for an exciting zip line adventure in St Maarten where I meet one of my biggest clients over a glass (and a few) of complimentary rum punch. My biggest client of all time (and one of the drunkest) is still onboard from last week and so I must be at her beck and call to serve her champagne whenever she wants. We had a martini party with her on the night before. Later in the afternoon we catch a taxi over to the French side of St. Maarten to enjoy airport beach. The airplanes land right over your head and we all got blown into the ocean. It was freaking Awesome. The next day we head to Tortola (B.V.I.) and try to enjoy the beautiful beaches there despite the weather. Pleasant enough. Later we enjoy some shopping and I find the CRAZIEST book I’ve ever seen (About victorious Christian living for children and thought control), and I get enfuriated when I order crab cakes at an ocean side café and I’m served imitation crab (AKA polluk {more like Poll-yuck!}). I insist it be taken back, and spot a black cat sleeping on the roof. The next day we cross the Bermuda triangle, and I have my first of three auctions, and things go splendidly.



















Finally we’ve hit Bermuda, a new land to discover, and it’s a gorgeous island. Extravagant homes with white roofs dot the wind swept landscape on the isolated island of Bermuda. Smack dap in the middle of nowhere in the Atlantic Ocean. It simply doesn’t make sense. I wonder how many lost ships set their eyes on Bermuda as a beacon of hope in the middle of that sea...and how many might have missed it as well. For me it was a beacon of hope as well. Going from 6 port days and one sea day to 3 sea days and two overnights on the Bermuda run would be quite the difference for business. It’s an ideal cruise layout with a mid-week week-end built right it. Things would never be better. Lauren, Haeley and I adventured around the island, got some ice cream and then explored the beautiful Crystal Cave. Fantastic! I have such a soft spot for spelunking. That evening I met an auctioneer from the NCL Dawn from my training in Miami. An old friend, but he had been transferred to make way for another auctioneer unfortunately. But he introduced me to one of the spa workers who promised me that our summer in Bermuda would be worthwhile together. And so along with Lauren, Haeley, and the gang we enjoyed our first overnight in Bermuda, partying on the beach with bonfires at Snorkel Park. The moon shone bright and hopeful on all of us until the wee hours of the morning, offering the summer of promise.













The last two auctions went well despite the fact that Shawn called in sick on his last two days before signing off, and taking a hiatus with PW. Infuriating and definitely not a professional move. We ended the cruise with my 2nd best figure ever, closing the month with my best numbers on record, clearly a massive improvement, and I said goodbye to my two lady friends from home. Definitely a worthwhile adventure, but I have to admit after 8 days with two crazy girls, it was nice to have some peace and quiet. I will never forget crusiing with Haeley and Lauren, that’s for sure. Going outside for the first time on turn around day, I laid my eyes on the Statue of Liberty. A symbol of hope…of love…of the possibility of a better tomorrow (quoted directly from my Peter Max speech). This was an image that had been recurring in my life since I started this crazy show, and here she was in the real…with the endless possibilities that Manhattan Island had to offer looming out of the distant fog. It was a terrible day, but one that heralded the change to come, no more Caribbean, no more 6 port days in a row, no more anything I ever knew…and onto the Finale.














Pete had gone on vacation too, leaving just Susan and I on the art team. We started off right away with two sea days, and so I did a day of seminars and then an auction. It was refreshing in a way, but definitely a challenge. We had to do set ups together, and the art movers lied to us about pay, pissing me off royally. It didn’t help that all the guests were now New Yorkers. Now nothing against anyone from New York but when you have a 50+ crowd from one of the grizzliest cities in world starting a cruise off with heavy rain and rocking seas, you’re not going to be dealing with a sea of smiles. Its spring time in the Atlantic folks, not summer yet. People think they’re going to step onto the ship and find immediate sunshine, failing to realize that Bermuda is akin to the climate of South Carolina in April. So we worked through it, Susan and I. We’d been through a lot together. Getting her chest X-rayd in Tobago, getting her to not quit, trying to make it a happy life for both of us together. Simply by nature we spend the most time together, and as a decent human being, I try to be fair. I got along with Susan alright, and here we were…in Bermuda, the place we had worked so hard to acquire. And there we were on the eve of our first Bermuda overnight of the cruise, and Natasha walks in furious, asking why I’m keeping secrets from her. ??? Why didn’t I tell her I was being transferred? Again: ??? I hadn’t checked my emails…but there it was, not from my managers, not from my new ship, but from the auctioneer who was going to replace me…Kris English. The company’s million dollar man. That’s how I found out I was leaving the Summit. Gone right after my very best month on record, one of the top auctioneers with the company …Just like that…three days notice. And that’s where the story gets worse…I was being transferred to the Brilliance of the Seas, back to Royal, on a 12 day Mediteranean run…but not as auctioneer, as an associate, as a step back, as a Susan. It was the Lawsuit. The FAR (Fine Art Reguritary). We’d lost 7 ships from the fleet, and most unexpected was from Royal Caribbean. The company was sending back all of its younger auctioneers as associates with the top guys eventually, and because Kris got bumped, he picked his ship, and I was bumped and realigned with one of the best auctioneers on what would hopefully be one of the ships of the high summer cruise season. The expensive 12 day Mediterranean cruises on the Brilliance.













It makes sense I suppose, but to me it sounds like there was tinge of worry. They said they wanted to focus all their best people on Royal for now. To make sure all the strongest people are on these ships to solidify our standing. And anyway, I have no choice. I move down as associate and head to Europe or I go home. I’ll be associate level three, the highest, and will still retain a portion of the overall commission. If the ship does as well as forecasted, I’ll be making more money than an auctioneer on a shit run. And sure there’s a relief of stress. I don’t have to be the big brass and boots anymore, it doesn’t fall on my shoulders, and I’m no longer in charge. But I also kind of liked being in charge. I liked being ridiculous when I told Susan that she has to agree with every silly idea that runs off the top of my head. Forcing her to listen to my every little meaningless bit of randomness. And honestly, I know I was just hitting my real stride with the upcoming summer season. And I know its part of the business, getting moved around happens, but then there’s the hard part. Saying goodbye. You make your friends and you make your life in one place, and in three days you leave it behind. I told Dani and Kate at the bar in Bermuda that evening and they didn’t believe me…and then they cried…and then I cried. I told all my loves, and I said goodbye. I told the sea and felt it laughing, and I told myself again, and couldn’t understand it either. I don’t know what to feel. The promise that these new places hold is strong. Barcelona, the French Riviera, Florence, Rome, Venice, Athens, Turkey, Santorini, Corfu, and Capri. You don’t get a better itinerary than that. And I had been thinking to myself. How do I break that ceiling of 100k? How do I pop those big boys? Maybe in Europe I will learn that, maybe I’ll come out the other end better than ever. Maybe, I’ll find some love too.














But then again, there’s leaving the life I worked so hard to hold onto. 7 days Bermuda, New York, my gallery, my friends…Instantly taken away. You can’t help but feel like you’re leaving a piece of your heart too. My last day in Bermuda, I rented a scooter and drove off on my own to explore this enigmatic island one last time. I sat by the sea and I stared and I listened to the music from my life. I looked up to the sky and wondered about God, if there were any thoughts there. I promised I wouldn’t give up, that I’d be strong, and that’s what I intend to do. I walked to my ship one last time, knowing the next time I stepped off again would be the last. And that’s where our episode ends. Leaving everything I know behind, everything about to change. Every character in the “Life at Sea” will be new, save the principal, and Coleman will be off to new adventures in distant lands, never to be the same again.

Next episode:

Europe: Through a Glass Darkly (Europa~Sasom Ei En Spiegel)

Tripping the Stableness of Chaos

And sooooo the shit has hit the fan. I'm writing this super stressed out and lost in life. Shawn is going to quit. Susan wants to quit. And Peter is signing off. Basically my lucky ship of good fortune has hit a giant chunk of bullshit, gashing and puncturing the hull of my conciousness, flooding my life with a sea of misery, leaving me alone and shipwrecked, soul survivor adrfit in a dead calm of ennui. Kinda want to curl up into a ball and just let the world beat the crap out of me. Don't you ever feel that way?

I have fantasies of retreating to the Northwoods, taking up ceramics again, maybe abstract painting, bringing along poor old Dodo and going out in the afternoon on my boat to the Loon's Island and creating meaningless substance out of all that I've come to lose. What is art? What is life? What is meaning? I imagine the V of ducks coming for me.

But I wont. I will trek on and I will suceed. Its in my nature. I wont become what I most despise. And I'll be the stronger for it. Moving on, without them. Friends or not, I am the leader, and I will prevail.













Its just all so frightening, and more so frustrating.

The Winds of Change for the Windward Islands

And so one day, Coleman, the budding young art auctioneer internationale, sat down in his tiny sized office. More of a closet really, but for his purposes, it was all he needed on the ship. He got an email entitled 'Thank You' from his fleet manager back on the homeland. This email contained the "as you probably know" line preceeding an unexpected shock. He no longer would have a fleet manager as the said individual will be pursuing a different opportunity, effective immeadiately. He is gone. The "as you probably know" was also used this week when Coleman got a phone call to his cabin ("the red cave") on embark morning telling him that a new associate had arrived, and was waiting... In fact, Coleman had no idea... Also, his regional sales trainer has been changed to the top auctioneer in the company, "as you probably know." No, no he didn't.


















But of course things will change. Everything in fact. Everything will change. It flipped my numbers to be sure, and got me out of a damn sales funk, but all is chaos. A good natured chaos, but chaos none the less. Sometimes, thats the best medicine. Shawn is a good ol southern boy from Virginia. He is older than me. His energy is very different from mine and will undoubtedly be useful in appealing to a different culture of individual. He had never been on a ship before and so was daunted by the prospect of living on the Summit. I think he will give it a fair shot, and he should...things could go well if he plays his card right.















Things are pretty good in the old social group. We went horseback riding in Antigua, and it proved to be a pretty exciting experience, despite the fact that I got a wicked sun burn on my knees, and I find horse people unnerving. My lucky Chinease ship of good fortune burnt out, which is ok. I'm not entirely sure it was bringing me the good luck I needed. So I turn on my bedside lamp at night and put a red polo over it, casting the room in deep red shadow. I then turn on Monica's sound machine to whatever I please to help my red cave really sink in. If I'm in a good mood I go with the rain or the ocean or the rainforest, if I'm in a bad mood I turn up the volume all the way and listen to a heartbeat. It frightening... I've also put up a work of art on my wall entitled "Silent Hillside." Its a landscape by Itzak Tarkay that I first saw a year ago on the Mariner of the Seas...and my world is almost complete.














My buddies and I thought of a great sketch comedy character named "Smegma Boy." Conceived from dick cheese, Smegma Boy has the appearance of Mask, reaks of unknown bodiuly substances, vommits a cruel bile constantly, and has no sense of social grace. He likes bursts in on a conversation, comments on how his clothes and culture is so much cooler than everyone elses, takes a handful of someone esle chips without asking, and then vommits, and just wipes it anywhere to the shock and horror of everyone else. "Well I'll catch you assholes later, hahaha." Alternatively, I am getting pretty awesome at fooseball. Not so hot a offense, but my defensive skills are ranked among the best of the crew, and my golaie shot is killer. I'm a leading challenger, which is great considereing the fact that I always sucked big time at soccer. I sued to hit the ball with my hand. Not in fooseball friends, I am a real winner. I've also added "Bal'ma," my Wii character of choice, to the crew Wii. She frightens the world, but makes me happy. And shes a great bowler too.















We got a new port and shopping guide named "Evan from Heaven." ?!?!


Something pretty awesome happened at my last auction. I usually do this master's wall set up thing where I present a wall worth a ridiculous amount of money like 314 thousand dollars and offer it at 222 thousand. It's not so bad considering you're getting a sweet Rembrandt, Picasso, Dali, Chagall, Miro, and Peter Max. Then later in the auction I present a wall by the same artists around 23 thousand. Well, I had somebody collect the first half now, and will get in touch with me when he wants the second half. The great thing was that I didn't know he was going to collect it until after he saw the presentation. He just saw the auciton and was like, yeah, lets do this. Thats kind of cool for me as usually I go into an auciton with a pretty good idea of who is going to collect the big boys. So, this is a step up for me, popping it off of the block and definitely a step up for the guy who got his Picasso, Chagall, and Miro.















I run this silly spa auction where I auction off some the spa treatmeants for my lady friends up there. "I got a hot stones massage a year ago and I'm still having good dreams about it!" Spa girls always seem to gush around me, because I give them such girly attention. they like me, not necessarily in THAT way, but they're always like HiiiIiii. One of the girls told me that this last week a guest came up to her asking about me when I was in the gym. Yeah that's Coleman, the art auctioneer, she said. "Well he's really sweaty." And she just kind of didnt know what to say, and just awkwardly stared, and this guest continued..."He's all hot and sweaty...and built." She just laughed and said that was the end of the conversation. And thats exactly how I want my relationship with the spa to proceed.















We've been hitting the beaches we like for these last couple of runs down here in the Caribbean. The boat yard in Barbados, The Nest in Antigua, The Honky Tonk in St. Marteen, and The Pier in St. Thomas. It sounds like a bizarre code. HONKY TONK, ST. MARTEEN! Theres alot I felt I wanted to do on these islands, alot I hadn't planned on, and alot of sleep that was just too enjoyable to ignore. Am I content with my second go around in the Caribbean? Absolutely. Am I ready to move on? Absolutley. Do I believe that if I don't update my blog that I'll have poor sucess with sales? Absolutely.















Thanks for reading, and of course...more waterfalls!!!!

Worst Week/Month/???? Ever

So, Friends,

What was best week ever then became what was looking to be my worst week ever has expanded exponentially to be one of the worst months I've had in a LONGGGG time. I'll start with the good. The new cast is great fun and together with the Elk Island Trio (Canadian Musicians) we've formed a close knit social circle. We go on adventures together exploring misty waterfalls, green gorges with misty waterfalls at the end of them, and warm sulfur pools with mitsy waterfalls at the end of them. The great news is I love waterfalls. I've been fascinated with them since I was a child. Swimming at the base of the Trefalgar Falls, as the white water flows past me, I look up at the air that is also pushed by the falls, flowing with that mysterious mist, and I scream with excitement pretending I'm being washed away in the Poseidon Adventure. My three British dancing lady friends, who I akin to all looking like they're auditioning for a role in a production about Jack the Ripper, say I'm funny, cool, but in a geeky kind of way. This is acceptable. I scream like Sally screams at the end of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Hysterical all at once with laughter, terror, disbelief, relief, and the knowing realization that I have just survived the single most traumatic moment of my life. This is what keeps me sleeping throughout the night.















San Juan is great, I've been exploring alot of old ruins and tunnels and fortresses. You know. So I'm cool there. San Juan really is a gorgeous city with a beautiful bay, and it irks me that everyone wants to go to the mall instead of the beautiful labrynthian constructs that lie awaiting adventurous outings. But this is my life. Some journeys must be taken alone. Other ports are becomin gold beans to me. Jewelry, trinkits, and beaches. They all beocme the same. Sure theres pieces of interesting culture here and there, but it takes some looking, and an effort I can't msuter as of now. I'm mostly looking forward to Bermuda...mostly.














And so the worst of the worst. Whats been so bad? I'd rather not describe. Instead, I'd like to list. Listing the reaons why these last weeks have been the worst. Here's hoping that things can only get better:

1) Almost died in a water taxi collision in St. Maarten.

2) Huge collector had to bow out to financial incompetence. Took two weeks to arrange a wire transfer from shoresdie and apparently her condo was flooded and is currently MIA.

3) Terrible breath on people who want to talk to me about how much great art they have, only to either a) dissapear completely from my auction scene or b) tell me the time just isn't good for them right now (despite the fact they're a self described "fast spender").

4) Have a huge potential sale with a boss's friend fall through on his wedding day after he seriously hurt his head at my auction and then his daughter began bawling (aka bad timing).

5)My phone got spased on at the beach and from now on constantly dials the number four in mid conversation

6)Let my computer use its battery to play me some nice music and has totalled my battery and wont start again...ever..forever...and ever

7)Fell into a pile of rocks, and then tumbled down...down..and one more time and pretty much gave my shoulder a good old heave ho.

8)Raffles and free, wheres my free, I need my FREEEEEEEEEEE

9) "35 dollars is way too much for something that I absolutely love and would undoubtedly enjoy in my personal collection"

10) "I could draw that" (its a painting)

11) Having to resort to convincing old ladies and thier senile spouses to collect art with their credit cards that do or do not work, and then track them down in the morning during breakfast to get the finances to come through.

13) "Did you draw that?" (its a painting)

14) People who are personally offended by my art auctions (despite the fact that they've never been to one) and those who "swear one of these day they're going to find a work of art on a ship they actually like...and not one thats absolutley awful..."(happened to me in the awkward environment that only an elevator could provide)

12) That's not a real Picasso.

13) The insanity of Theresa Banks and her FAR legion

14) Having the sick pleasure of severly discounting a Peter Max with ease simply for the enjoyment of knowing that the collector has to lug the painting across the continent as a take off.

15) Auctioneers across the board are now aboard with me in the No Man's Land of cruising. Like the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, our fates are being played for by Death and Life in Death. Either way, the outlook is tragic, and sadly, not all of us have been dealt life.

Comment Card Analysis

A big part of what the ship thinks of me comes from my numbers. But also a huge factor is guest comments. I have been doing pretty well, and its always interesting to get an outside perspective on exactly what I do on the ship. These three are spot on.


WERE THERE ANY CREW MEMBERS IN PARTICULAR THAT IMPACTED YOUR CELEBRITY EXPERIENCE?

7054          KEITH            
 COLEMAN AND SUSAN IN ART AREAS WERE SUPERB


8051       TERRY          
COLEMAN AND SUSAN IN PARK WEST! LEARNED SO MUCH MORE ABOUT ART AND COLLECTED A FEW MORE PIECES IN THE PROCESS! SUCN AN ASSET TO CELEBRITY.


8170         WILLIAM          
OFFENSIVE CIRCUS ATMOSPHERE WITH PERSON ON MIC HAWKING PICTURES AND OTHER CASINO THINGS WITH "ONLY FIVE MINUTES" - ETC., TO PURCHASE.

Eclipse

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

"There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it's all dark."


~I haven't posted in a while, but I have one coming up. I'm at a turning point, thats for sure, and we've been working extra hard. We've seen the good and we've seen the bad. Together, we're gonna take it to the other side.

OPP Level 2, Code Red

And so today is day two that the ship has been locked down in OPP level 2 code red. Day three took us over the 2% threshold and further into the bowels of inescapable biohazard malignancy. We’ve had multiple resurgence spike of GI cases on the ship. 8 in the last 3 hours. 5 in the evening, 11 overnight, and we’re getting worse. Essentially someone touched something nasty and that gets inside their face which then gets the nasty on something else which someone else picks up and puts inside their face= major shitstorm for everyone. Literally. So, as a manager, I’ve had to designate a team member (aka Susan) as our OPP vital oxide representative. She gets to spray everything than anyone touches with super cleaner. How exciting. Another consequence is that we are no longer allowed to use any of the guest areas except when on duty. No gym, buffet, pool, but then, why would I want to? I’m sorry, I don’t want to have diarrhea out of every orifice of my body

So here I sit in my room during a major 24/Lost marathon, enjoying the ship’s TV “how to properly wash your hands” video of the day. Its hysterical. Its just movies of people washing their hands, over and over…and over. They interlock their fingers, and rub them in and out, in and out. Flip, repeat. Interlock those fingers, now caress in…out.... Notable Quotables:

“Wash your hands for 20 seconds before rinsing. That’s about the time it takes to sing the Happy Birthday song…Twice.”

“Now, how to wash your hands and keep them clean in order to help you stay healthy, it’s really simple, but really powerful.”

It’s inane…it’s insane…it’s….insnane…Twice.














Otherwise, things on the Summit have definitely been memorable in my first two weeks. I’ve been going to these ridiculous trainings, and they really take the cake from my other ships. Before I was under the impression that it was useful information that needs to be, at the very least, cemented in my mind if I already knew it as fact. But today, for example, I had to go to a training the simply reinforced the importance of going over safety with my team members. The training didn’t actually cover any safety, just its importance. This is not a fun topic to start the day off with. Another training covered why it’s important to not put shampoo down the sink (cause it hurts the BUGS! {??}). And a further more explains how you don’t want crowds screaming uncontrollably in an emergency (keep So, needless to say, some of my free time has been spent doing things I would not have otherwise have wished to do. But, those blissful moments when you do get to do those things you want to do, and you step out into the sunshine, and onto the sand. Well, let’s just understand that makes it all worthwhile. The Caribbean beaches are what dreams are made of. And the rum punch will knock you out. And the best times are had when you can just bee line away from the ship, leaving all the worries of work behind you. I’ve heard other auctioneers say, and it kind of true, that it’s absolutely devastating to run into clients when you’re off the ship. It ruins your whole day off. Its weird psychology, this sales thing.


















Some fun we had was in Antigua, where they had a nice beach, and St. Maarten, where they have the best coconut smoothies right when you get off the ship (and shhh, sdont ask too loud to have rum put in there too). There are several Canadian musicians on the ship (all of them!) and Nick turned 30, so we went out for an Indian lunch followed by a beach nap. It was beautiful. In St. Kitts I took the team out to lunch at a nice balcony Caribbean joint overlooking the main square. We drank ginger beer and had some local food. That was pretty special to me. Just getting to sit around and relax at a local Caribbean balcony, watching the streets go by. Also, in St. Kitts I got my eyes examined and some frames picked out but will have to wait till Puerto Rico to get the lenses made (cause they will not do express in St. Kitts). In St. Lucia I wandered around until I found an ice cream shop (passion fruit) and that was pretty much the extent of the experience I want to have in St. Lucia…for now.















On the ship we are not allowed alcohol in our rooms, which is really odd to me. I should get to enjoy a nice Toddy in my room after a long work day, dammit. Instead I do my perfect push ups express, regularly, as I hope Steve is doing, and know Ryan is too. But, I am a manager after all…and by far the youngest one onboard (by at least five years, which is pretty radical), so I should be able to have the privilege. They had the Celebrity Cruise executives onboard, like the CEO and everything, and so it was funny to meet them with all these 30-40-50 something managers at our three stripe meeting (officers only, bitches). How excited they all were to meet these execs. And here I am, this kid, who’s been with the company for 2 weeks, like “well, its a pleasure to meet you.” I warmed up to one of the VPs. She and I both worked for Disney (Hahahahaha) so we had some understandings there. There is no dancing in the staff bar on deck one, which sucks cause its nicer than the crew bar on the tween deck (sub 2) which you can smoke in and makes you feel like you’re hanging out in the garbage incinerator. We did have a great Valentine’s Day dance party down there and one of the spa girls told me I was the coolest art auctioneer she’d ever seen dancing in the crew bar. Oh geesh. It was fun to let loose a little, and show em what I’ve got as it were (put on the poker face!) ;)

When I was in college, I studied for a summer session in Trinidad and Tobago. For me that was always a very cultural experience, and connected me to the Caribbean lifestyle long before I ever departed there on a ship. So, going to Tobago, again, for me was a sort of looming idea. I didn’t want to ruin that connection I had with that country, or taint it with the cruising cynicism that we crew sometimes develop. Rest assured, Susan and I had quite the experience there. She had been getting threatening phone calls from the doctor onboard, she was missing some tests, and would have to get them in one of the ports or be disembarked. He’s not a very…well, sympathetic individual. He made Susan cry, and I was really put off by a conversation I had with him. Either way, we decided to take Tobago day to accomplish our health tasks. Sort of a medical scavenger hunt on behalf of Susan. Chest X-ray, CBC, and drug test. So what followed was actually a very memorable day exploring the intricacies of the Tobagonian health system. I met a lot of friendly people, saw some sad ones too, and felt like I had stepped back in time, or another country…which is exactly where I am. Sometimes I forget I’m not in America. What would have cost us $360 in Puerto Rico cost us $11 in Tobago. It was all fairly pleasant. Sure, there was some walking involved, some wandering chickens, eating some local grapefruit juice and banana bread, but mostly it helped with my perspective on the world. I’m glad to have furthered my cultural knowledge of the island nation of Trinidad and Tobago.



















My second San Juan turned out to be a pleasant little experience as well. Mike and Bethany, my old auctioneers from Disney, were going to be in town the same day aboard the Norwegian Gem. So I hopped over to their dock, waited for them to come in, and caught up with some long lost colleagues. Not much has changed with them, both their old kooky selves wrestling atop boxes of crackers, but its always nice to remeet old friends. Its necessary. Grounds you a bit. And the more you do a job like this, the more you need a constant. So we drank some margaritas, wandered the streets of old San Juan, and postulated when we might ever meet again. Sometimes you never meet your ships mates again, and sometimes, when the stars align just right, there they are. Oh the fates and the winds…how you must set your sail to thee. We also reminisced about wanting to vomit on everyone all of the time, spewing a perpetual cascade of psychosocial malaise. But that’s the type of people we are.















So I don’t like to talk too much business, but things have definitely been showing some promise and improving. I’m tackling this whole 6 days in port, one at sea thing. Any potential I have for the cruise is sort of flooded over me at the very last minute. So I have to work fast to win them over at the last moment. On my first cruise, the last night, I had an experience I will never forget. A 238K sale that I was this close to clinching. I worked with this guy for three hours on my very best Picasso, Dali, Rembrandt, Chagall, Miro and of course Max. I could taste it, like anything I’ve ever known. And I wasn’t too excited either, you have to play it cool, and I’m pretty sure I did all the right things, but in the end, he was no go. The issue wasn’t money, it wasn’t the worthwhile nature of the art, even his wife said it was a no brainer in, but for him it was a “gut instinct” he couldn’t put into words. You’re supposed to overcome their objections, which I did, but how can you overcome something that is not put to voice or reason. How do you overcome a gut instinct? Oh the possibilities have been going through my head, and it will be the experience that will stay with me till the end. For me, it wasn’t about the commission, but about the ease of knowing I did good. Imagine if I had blown all expectations out of the water right off the bat. I would have been golden for months. No worries, and not just from the home team, but from me. A psychological calm that would have lasted for months. But that’s a shoulda woulda coulda, all I can do is move forward.



















And that’s where I am…moving forward to new and distant horizons. There was a volcano that erupted in Montserrat and the seas are turbulent. Ash has been raining down in the sky and has settled over the Summit. A strange haze fills the air…I see this as a sign of change, of promise…an explosion of good things to come.